12 January 1999
Non Omnis Moriar*

You are the light in your own world
No trust do you place.
You crave a new forgiveness
As your body glass
Has been shattered and lies screaming
Immune to happiness.

Did you acquire madness
Through sharing pricks of hate?
Eyes bulge from pressured skulls
And they all stare at you
You track the mouldy iron tubes
That link up to the pounding beat
But which lost all colour.
Once bitten always shy.

Apologies result in tears
And irony strikes still.
Where did you hide the magic spells
Or did you make them disappear?
Drive to a new distraction
Up the wall
Around the bend
Change gear, your blood is clear
Make good the time you spend.

In your dreams
Your broken bones
Refuse to knit to all that’s real
Do you really feel
All that you never had?

A rush, a high a negative trip
Delirious delusion
Turn the page to find
Robin’s “good-year” recipe
Concoction you made easily
A ride back to innocence.

Walking the fine line
A separate path to take
But the framed picture of the whore
Hangs in the balance of your mind
And you know to disagree
As pity is difficult
But you know disgust is worse
An aching rarely dulled
Reminds the world of everything,

By complaints subside.
The stainless steel tears that you cried.
No more cooking in the pan
Stolen from you, not by the man.
Is there anything you preserve
For times such as these?

Sterile blade cuts the tubes
And slips as you scream,
Jagged as you realise
That your agony is flowing free
A watery red reverie
The bathtub coloured permanently.
I stand back and watch you
And cry goodbye to me.

*Latin-not all of me will die, some of me will survive in death.