19 November 1998
11.20 p.m.

Mind Games

This night,
This blackness calls to me
It whispers terror
In a sinister voice
And teases to the core of me
All that the world had
And lost.

I see the spirits of the living dead
They want to take me with them
My last surge of power forces them back
And I slowly succumb to my fear

My heart-beat pounds
And I am deafened
By my own deep breaths
The wails of loneliness bring me to tears
And not for my score minus four
Can I calm the throbbing fight

‘Darkness is your safety’
Said by a voice familiar
And I know that it is just illusion
And the mind is playing tricks

I force myself to feel this way
I exist only in my worst nightmare.
I souly hold myself to blame
-Misery, my claim to fame-
An experiment without an aim
They say it’s all my fault
They think I can control my thoughts
But I have learned little through my pain
I cry myself to sleep in daylight
And at night I live the same.

I am my ghost, my haunted house
I rattle the chains, but still I’m scared
I see my reflection in every window
And scream for love to rescue me
But love does not exist.

Who helps the ones who can’t be saved
Who lie helpless in their grave
The ones who blame me for their rage
Who haunt my nights and feed my days.

I pinch the skin on chalky bones
As the skeleton of my world survives
I close the closet door and hide
Underneath the covers of my sanity
Above and not below.

It’s only in the waking sleep
That the icy hand touches me
And sends me into a frenzy
Of insomnia driven fears.

I solute the blindness of the night,
Thank my audience for their applause
And realise I am all alone,
But at peace in my solitude
And I decide to close my eyes
-A request for sleep in moment to come-

I pray for mornings answers and the highlights of the day,
But for now I pull the sheets around
And I beg you spirits
Come to me
If darkness be my friend.