LAST NOTE


This is the last time this will happen
I say I won't do this again
I think I'm laying down now
I'm tired and worn to flesh

Its something I have to finish
Now that I'm dead and gone
But I'm too weak to kill my body
So I'll kill part of my soul

You wouldn't think that it's a part of me
You cannot see what it means to me
But it never meant as much as her
If I lose one, I lose the other
Death hates to be alone

I've cried for many nights now
The shame has taken control
The sorrow, pain, lament and loss
Have overrun my soul

This is the last time I will do this
You won't hear again from me
I've given up, I've given away
Two things that meant so much to me

I wanted the last words to be special
Maybe the best I ever wrote
But nothing else I've done was special
So I'll end on the same note

Two nights ago I found I was
Getting better at what I do
The words began to rhyme and play
Yet still hold meaning through and through

A shame I must give this away
A shame it has to end
But shame is far too frequent in my world right now
And I won't see shame again

Does this upset you to read this note?
Does it make you want to cry?
It makes me want to scream in pain
I watch my thoughts just die, I've cried

She held my love and I told her so
I never heard it back
I once laughed at the thought of giving anything
To hear those special three words
Now it would mean more to me than anything 
This world could ever give

So as that part of me decays
I take a final breath
No tears as I finish writing this
Knowing as I lose the one I'd die for
That my thoughts become repressed

I'm finished now, the creation over
I won't write again, I won't think again
I won't stay up late to share my feelings
The last time isn't special
Maybe nothing was before


24/11/98