27 January 1999
Amen

Midnight in the sea of mind
Come, release, wash over me
Take me to a higher place
Or just take me away.

After I jumped ship
My heart lay broken and confused
Could I walk on water?
Would you watch me if I did?

The dampness rocks me
I levitate.
In danger only
I feel safe
No need to reach for anothers hand
If I tire I shall except my fate
And take my last deep breath.

Body numb, much like before
The worst times are the ones I need the most.
Night shadows blur the stars
Silver stripes now in the sky
As I wait patiently
For my apathy
To go down on me.

Perverted to those who must take time
Those who know need not ask
I stay afloat through compassion only
The message in my bottle
Floated far away
Soaked with salt from tears
And the waters down below,

I lost my footing one thousand times ago,
But they never sent a search.
Figured I’d find my own way home
But I only got half-way.

The emergency lights flash now
A helicopter disturbs my peace.
Could it be that someone cared enough
To dial triple oh?
The excuse given last time
Was I gone?
They didn’t know.

The accent of disillusion
Causes them to misunderstand
And this time I know
I shall not feel dry land

Too many came
Too many left
Too many times I lost my way
And too few of the ones that left
Had regrets they didn’t stay.

A shiver down my spine now
I’m not cold I am irate
In the morning will someone come to claim
And realise they do not know?

“Not my daughter, not my sister, not anyone”
They’ll say
But I was someone some time ago
And will be
Again someday.

The shock when I am found
Appalled at my nakedness
But I shall leave just how I came
Does pure cause disgust?

Final words all ran together
Just blue ink on a page
Shall mean nothing to anyone
Much like the soul that lies with me.

Taken for granted once or twice
Then never taken again
I think I liked being used up
Rather than not being used at all.

Memories not accounted for
Are more than I deserve
The water is up to my chin
My open mouth won’t let it in
Like so many times before.

Who is responsible?
I have been every time
They blame me for myself
I came to see this fair enough,
But why don’t they just leave it now
Why did it take them so long to care?
Could it possibly be that
They noticed I wasn’t there?

I almost strain to keep above
But I feel me drift to nothingness
This can be their punishment
For never needing me.

With the weight of all on my shoulders
It’s a wonder I’m here still
I fear it may not be enough
To grant this final will.
But I shall try to reach below
And then drift up above
Looking down on all to see
If anyone feels guilty
If anyone misses me
No choices if they don’t.

I have not prepared myself for
Death after I go away.
Is it all worth one last chance
Should I give it up today?
I have now drained all strength
I should have thought of this before.
That someone might just rescue me
And drag me to the shore.

I can no longer hear the chopper
Raging overhead
I can no longer see the lights of blue
And the lights of flashing red.

So from waking time ‘til waking sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And if I fall past sleep tonight
Please give me up without a fight.