ALONE WITH MY SIN

Shaking and turning
On my endless carousel
the past washes slowly
The future threatens to stain

The hands of time lay secret
Holding close all the lies of the world
How will they choose to betray
As I slip through their fingers?
To keep going on past my time

The inspiration is strangled
Choked within seconds of it's death
Love was the villain
For holding onto the strange, the unconfessed
I fail to repent once again

For a punishment too frozen to give
I make up for a sin
Crucify my chance to live
While the sorrows are lost in my beyond
As the flowers wilt and fade
Brace myself for my last day

Why alter consistency now?
I know they're going to grip me this time
I want the last day to
Well and truly be my last
And like my previous days
I'd like this one to be alone

To punish myself more before the end
To cast into the wind
Confessions of my sin
To lie to myself when I know I am wrong
To make promises to nobody
Be sure they're ones I couldn't keep

Hell awaits those who fail
To keep a promise, steal, or lie
As I think I might descend into heaven
I plunge sharply, cast into the fire
Not even trapped in a painful in between
I deserve more than this
For living my life alone
I shall suffer more than this
When the hands may atone

14/12/98